


When All is Lost, and You Still Must Go On

by DarkMK



Category: Fae Tales - not_poignant
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Language, M/M, Prequel, Sad Ending, references to violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 04:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17574149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkMK/pseuds/DarkMK
Summary: First, Augus went missing, and I couldn't find him.Then, he came back, and I couldn't fix him.Now,I'mthe one causing him pain, and I can't stop it.Ash's story from the time Augus went missing to his defeat before Game Theory.





	When All is Lost, and You Still Must Go On

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had this mostly finished for a while now, but with life circumstances being what they were, I didn't think I would ever post it. So I didn't see the point in completing it. But at last I decided that I wanted to have it for at least myself alone. I've never really written for an audience anyway, so I suppose that it makes little difference whether this is on here or on my computer. At the very least, it works as a back-up. 
> 
> This is not a happy story, quite apropos as it coincided with a great loss in my own life, but it was always a story that I wanted to see told. It probably could have done with being told longer or better, but it helped me process my own struggles, so at least it did some good. This is also not a story that will make any sense if you haven't read [Game Theory](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10427088), or have at least a background knowledge of the Fae Tales universe.

You know, my life has always been a little strange, and I'm not a very typical type of guy (or a typical type of waterhorse for that matter), but...never in a million years did I expect things to end up like this.

Facing off against my brother. On the other side.

It was just always supposed to be me and Augus against the world, you know? Even when we were growing up, and things were really tough, we always had each other. I could always count on him and he could always count on me.

But now, he was just looking at me, standing next to Gwyn and Gulvi, and just seeing that realization dawn in his eyes, that _betrayal_ , and knowing I'd let him down _again_ , it was just...

I've never felt so awful in all my life.

And what could I do?

What could I say?

How had it come to this?

 

I suppose it began the moment Augus went missing.

You know, the worst part about that is how long it took me to realize? I usually stopped by once every couple weeks or so, sometimes more and sometimes less. We each had our own lives and our own routines, and Augus is super fussy about order in his life so I try not to interfere too much. It wasn't all that unusual for me to miss him though. I waited around on the couch for a couple of hours, and then left him a simple note:

“Sorry I missed you, bro! Come see me at mine, else I'll catch you next time! :)”

And it was that 'next time' I dropped by that I started to realize something was wrong. My note was still sitting there on the table exactly where I'd left it. There was a fine layer of dust on both of them, showing they hadn't been touched. On everything in the room actually. That was weird. I moved down into Augus' bedroom, an uncomfortable feeling building in my stomach that I didn't really acknowledge. What if he were really sick or something?

But no sign of him in here either. Nothing but more dust. I didn't know if that made me more or less relieved. Maybe he had taken a trip? Though why he wouldn't have told me, I couldn't imagine. Unless I'd done something to make him really mad? I couldn't think of anything, but I don't always notice when I do, sorry to say. Glancing in the drawers and closet, it didn't seem like any of his clothes were missing. But, I can't honestly say whether I'd have known if there were. I didn't usually pay attention to those details.

Nothing in the other rooms of the house gave any clue either. But it was the room that Augus used for preparing his tinctures that I became certain something was definitely wrong. There were two pieces of equipment sitting out on the table, and an open jar sitting next to them. All had same fine dust as the rest of the house. Augus was fastidious and orderly to a fault. He would _never_ have left half-completed work just laying out. He always put his tools away as soon as he was finished with them.

I chewed briefly on the end of my thumb, then turned for the foyer again. I left another note on the table, just in case (“Really kinda worried about you, bro, would love to hear from you”), and headed out, wishing that mobile phones were a thing in the fae world. Or hell, I'd've even taken the owls from Hogwarts at this point.

I checked a couple of markets that I knew Augus went to sometimes, hoping that someone there would have seen him recently or heard him talk of his plans. No luck. It had been months since he'd been there.

I asked some healers and other dominants that I knew Augus had worked with in the past. Since Augus often referred clients on to others if he couldn't help them, perhaps he would have left notice with one of them if he'd had to leave urgently. Nothing. I told them to please keep an eye out and pass the word along.

Who else could I ask? Augus didn't really have friends. He had his professional relationships, he had his clients, and he had me. He was intensely private and rarely shared his thoughts or plans with others. That had never bothered me before, but now it just made me extra worried.

Four days had already passed and I'd learned nothing. I was already feeling the bone-deep exhaustion of so much teleportation. More than twice in a single day was usually enough to knock me out for a solid twenty-four hours. And I'd done six trips since I'd found the untouched note without any rest at all. I somehow managed to call up the strength for one more trip and made it back to Augus' house. Heading to his room rather than my own, I curled up in the middle of the giant bed. I wrapped the pillows and blankets around me, pretending it was the old days when I'd just had a nightmare and Augus would let me cuddle next to him and I'd fall asleep feeling protected and warm. More than anything, I wished for Augus to be there when I woke up, shaking his head at me with that fondly exasperated look.

 

But the waking nightmare continued. No matter where I went or who I asked, no one had seen him. The problem was, though I knew plenty of guys in plenty of places, they weren't the type of people that Augus would see. I was mostly guessing at who he would purchase herbs from, or where he would go for new leather tools, or what-have-you. Gulvi, who had a lot more fae contacts than I did, could get no trace of him either. I thought briefly that maybe a hunt had gone bad, and so scoured the human news networks for any trace of unusual horse attacks or strange men with unusual hair. Nothing. I didn't really think there would be. Augus would never have left that equipment out on his table if he'd been going on a simple hunt. I was grasping at straws, but they were all I had.

Some people had the gall to suggest that I was just being paranoid, that maybe Augus didn't tell me everything, maybe he was just enjoying a nice, long, peaceful holiday, and would came back when he felt ready. And though doubt niggled at me, I knew that this _had_ to be something more serious.

More time passed. Growing ever more desperate, I asked for an audience with the Raven Prince, King of the Unseelie. He was both a powerful monarch and a powerful mage, and he'd taken a liking to Augus in the past. Surely he could do something to help.

He saw me briefly, heard my story...and then sent me straight out again, saying he had things that were actually important to worry about.

I tried again. He wouldn't see me. When I tried a third time, the guards at the front gate refused to even let me in the Court at all.

I felt ready to tear the waterweed out of my hair. Why did no one care what was happening! Augus had been missing now for at least seven months. Sure, he wasn't super popular, but he wasn't _disliked_. How could he just disappear and yet everyone else could continue their daily lives? I had been spending nearly every waking hour looking everywhere I could think without any luck at all.

What if...

What if Augus had died?

I couldn't bear the thought, but...at this point, what other option could there be?

I didn't know where else to look or who else to ask. I wanted badly to go to a human-side bar and just lose myself in a night of drinking and company, but was terrified that if I did I would miss out on that _one_ crucial bit of information that would somehow lead me to Augus. I hadn't been human-side now for three months, the longest break since...ever. I didn't even care about how hungry I was now.

Gulvi sympathized, but I don't think she really understood the loss that I was feeling. Augus was my everything. The only family I'd ever had, and the reason I was the way I was, and not just some mindless, predatory waterhorse like my past incarnations.

 

I don't know how I made it through those next several months. I alternated between traveling to new places and looking for signs of him, and returning to his house, curling up on his bed. The dust gradually thickened in the rooms. His scent began to fade from the sheets. I was losing him completely.

And then, one day. I had all but given up hope. I returned briefly to my place for a change of clothes, but found myself dreading the return to Augus' home. I didn't know how much longer I could endure the emptiness. Just that morning, someone had knocked on the door, someone looking for Augus the Dominant, hoping for his skills. All the places I'd been, all the people I'd asked, and _still_ , word had not gotten around that Augus wasn't here. I was a useless failure.

I entered the water of my lake, but swam to the surface rather than teleporting. I pulled myself ashore and stared sightlessly into the greenery around me. After a moment, I began to walk, having no destination or purpose other than letting my mind be empty for awhile.

But after only a few minutes, I nearly tripped on a shapeless dark lump half-hidden by the bushes. I looked at it and frowned. If I'd been human-side, I would've assumed someone had just dumped their rubbish here or something. But fae didn't do that, and even if they did, picking waterhorse territory to do so? Why?

Then the lump shifted ever so slightly, and I realized it was alive. I stared.

And with a bolt of utmost shock – I realized it was _Augus._

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god, oh my _god_.” I flew to his side, kneeling down. “ _Augus_. Augus, can you hear me? What _happened_?” I was scared to even touch him. Naked from head to toe, his skin was black and grey. Hopefully with just dirt, but I couldn't tell. Underneath that, I could see nearly every one of his ribs. His hip and elbow bones jutted out painfully. There was no waterweed in his hair, which was matted and ragged, and dripped hardly any water. He didn't seem to be bleeding, or have any limbs at odd angles, but that was best I could say for his condition.

I pressed my hand over my mouth, trying to hold back the nausea. That wouldn't help Augus in the least. I leaned over him, looking for a safe place to put my hands. I was scared that I might injure him further, but there was no way I could leave him out here. How had he even gotten here in the first place?

And then a thought struck me: how long had he _been_ here? Lying like this? What if he'd been here for days, while I'd been on his bed moping about his absence?

Shoving that thought away, I shook my head furiously. The important thing was that I was here now, and I would _not_ be letting Augus down again. I would do whatever it took to help him. He needed me.

As carefully as I could, I began to shift him over so that I could lift him. I would get him inside, and then I'd get the best healer I could find. As my hands pressed into his skin, he moaned thinly, the weakest sound I'd ever heard him make. My eyes flew to his face. “Augus?” Did he know I was here?

His lips quivered. I could just make out the words. “P-Please, sir, not...not today...”

My breath caught. _Oh, god, Augus, what happened to you?_

Aloud, I managed, “Augus, it's me, Ash. You're okay. You're safe now.” Continuing to speak, I lifted him up. He felt horribly light. I didn't even need waterhorse strength. I made my way back to the lake, hesitating briefly on the shore. Would the swim down be too much for him? He desperately needed the water, that was sure, but I didn't want to overwhelm him. Biting my lip, I carefully lowered him into the water, not submersing him just yet.

At the first touch of the cold water, he gasped, and his eyes flew open. His pupils were so dilated, there was hardly a trace of the usual lambent green. He arched painfully, and I clutched him closer, lest I drop him. “Augus, you're okay, you're here was me, with your brother Ash...” I kept up the mindless litany.

It took nearly fifteen minutes before he settled enough that I felt I could bring him down. I wished I could've kept him in the water for hours, but I needed to get him safely inside and get that healer.

 

The healer's examination was agonizing. Augus was only semi-conscious through most of it, with the occasional “please, no” as the healer prodded at various places. Each cry broke my heart further. I had failed him so badly. But it got infinitely worse when the healer tried to get Augus to swallow some sludgy concoction. He began to retch violently, and lashed out with wild swings. When I tried to help the healer pin him down, he screamed in a way that chilled my blood. Punctuated throughout were more pleas: _“Please, sir, you said no more,” “You said it was over,”_ and the worst one of all, _“Please just let me die!”_

The healer finally used some kind of inhaled sedative. Then he stepped back and looked at me. “Well, other than extreme malnutrition and dehydration, there aren't any real signs of physical trauma. It is possible that it's simply been healed over already, but his healing would have been extra sluggish given his condition, so there ought to have been some evidence left. There is a strange kind of energy that seems to be clinging to him that I've never encountered before, but it doesn't seem to be actively hurting him.” I nodded dumbly as he gave me instructions regarding rest and reintroduction to food, and he left me a variety of tinctures for him to drink, as well as more of the sedative should it be necessary.

When he finally left, I sat down by Augus' bedside. I went to grasp his hand, and noticed the state of his fingernails. Brittle and shattered and only half-grown in. The healer had mentioned that, hadn't he? He'd left a cream. I grabbed it and began smoothing it over the tips of his fingers.

All my life, Augus was invincible, this unshakeable rock. Nothing phased him. We'd made it through starvation, attacks, pursuits, and each time, it was his confidence that inspired me. He'd always been the one to take care of me. He'd been there for me during night terrors, after I'd killed my first human and _hated_ the monster inside myself, when Lucky the dog had died.

Sometimes I wished he could be a little more open, and sometimes his caretaking had been a little overbearing, but I wouldn't really have wanted him to change. He was the most dependable thing I ever had.

I never could have imagined that he could be so broken or fragile, never in a _million_ years.

But...at least he was back.

And I would make him better. I would.

 

He slept for the better part of two days. I spent most of it watching him and stroking his hand. A part of me was terrified that if I let him go, he would somehow disappear again. I talked sometimes, about random meaningless things. In the human world, a lot of people believe that someone in a coma can still hear you. Augus wasn't in a coma, but his sleep had been artificially induced, so maybe it was like the same thing. In any case, it made _me_ feel a little better.

When Augus finally began to wake up, it was in fits and starts. His body twitched, and he moaned often. I had a feeling that this might have been a thrashing nightmare if not for the sedative. I was proven right a few hours later when he began to toss and scream aloud. Shortly after, he managed to jerk himself completely awake, and immediately leaned over, gasping and retching up bile.

“Augus!” I jumped forward and began rubbing my hand over his back, like he'd always used to do for me.

That turned out to be a bad idea.

Augus flinched hard away from me and cowered. “No-no-no-no-”

“A-Augus, it's me! It's Ash!” I didn't quite know what to say. All those books I'd ever read on human psychology, and I was completely freezing up when it was my own brother. But something of my cries must have gotten through, because Augus slowly lowered one of his arms from his face.

“...Ash?”

“Yes, Augus, it's Ash!” I moved forward again. One hand went to the back of his head, stroking in the old familiar soothing way. This time, he allowed the touch.

He stared at my face for a long moment, as if checking every detail. Finally, he said, “Ash...you're here...” He reached up and touched my skin. “Is this real? Or am I dreaming?”

“Yeah, this is real,” I choked out. I carefully grasped his hand and pressed it closer. “You're here and I'm here. You're back and you're safe and you're with me.”

But the happy moment did not last long. When I cautiously asked where he'd been all this time, he closed off immediately. Pressing him made it even worse. He just began shaking his head non-stop and curled close to the headboard. I backed off. “Why don't you try and get some more sleep?” I said instead.

His head came up sharply. “No!” he said. “No, I'm...no, get away from me, leave me alone.”

I stared in surprise. “Augus...”

“Get out!”

I stood and said I'd make him something to eat, hoping for a truce. But when I came back, he'd managed to not only get out of bed, but get fully dressed. “Where do you think you're going,” I said, gaping.

“I'm leaving,” he said. Though his hands trembled, he finished buckling his boots.

“Like hell you are, I just got you back! You look awful, you need food, and you need to sleep!”

“No!” he said again. “I'm not sleeping here. I...I can't stay. I'll be at home. And don't follow me.”

No matter how much I begged, he refused. I at least managed to get him to take the food with him, but he sneered at the healer's treatments when I offered them. He held his head high as he walked to the door, though I could see the way he still staggered and could hardly walk in a straight line. I asked if I could at least be the one to take him home, and he wouldn't even allow that. Tears in my eyes, I watched him go out the front door. How he had the strength to teleport, I didn't even know.

I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands.

 

I gave him two days, before I teleported to his house to check on him. He looked very marginally better – he at least stood straighter and his hands didn't tremble as much. He'd dusted the house. It was yet another reminder of the things I should've done and hadn't. He still wouldn't talk to me beyond the initial hello, so in desperation, I just began rambling. And that seemed to help. It was the only thing that seemed to help, actually, over the next several weeks. And the only sort of help he'd accept. Anytime I'd offer to do anything, he'd shoot me down, saying that he was just fine, thank you very much, that I needn't think him so weak. So I'd come over and just talk. I kept the subjects neutral, never mentioning anything that would remind us that he'd been gone. That he'd been taken.

And he had been taken. That much I was sure of. Taken and tortured and starved, and who knows what else. He perpetually had those dark shadows under his eyes, and I wondered if he had slept at all since being at my house. He flinched at any unexpected sound. I took to bringing food with me, as I suspected that he wasn't eating, though I had to pretend it was mine and 'accidentally' leave it. Though he was physically back, he hardly resembled the Augus I had grown up with.

Except for the way that he didn't tell me anything. Old Augus hadn't really done that either. But this Augus was so much colder, it was painful.

He eventually began to accept hugs and touches again, but only when I practically forced them on him. Gradually, he grew less thin, especially once he'd gotten a proper hunt in. We began to settle back into an uneasy equilibrium.

Until the day came when he announced that he had met with the Raven Prince, and would likely spend a great deal of time at the Unseelie Court in the future.

“What...why?” I said, confused. “You hate the Courts.”

“There is an unexpected appeal, I've found,” he said. But he wouldn't elaborate, and nothing I said made any difference.

Over the course of the next year, I went from seeing him every couple of days, to once a week, to every few weeks, to sometimes only once every couple of months or longer.

And I started going back to the human world. I couldn't bear sitting around in the fae world, waiting for Augus' occasional visit. I don't think that Court environment was doing him any good. He asked me to visit him there, once or twice. But even if I could have (I had been banned, after all), I still held a huge grudge against the Raven Prince for not helping me before; and I couldn't stand the idea of visiting the place that made Augus look more worn-out each time I saw him. I wished more than once that I could get him away from there permanently. Insisting he visit me was the best I could do.

The only thing that made it bearable was the notes he was willing to leave me on the table. He rarely talked about the Court itself, but he would describe other places he'd visited, or special events and things. I treasured every word. Sometimes I could almost pretend I had the old Augus back.

But I didn't.

 

And now, here I was, across a cavern from him, begging him once more to listen to me, and knowing that he wouldn't. “Don't you think...this has gone on long enough, brother? Please. Please, Augus. Let it be over.”

But he couldn't. And when Gwyn ap Nudd told him that he'd found a way to force him, and Augus stared at me...I wasn't a swan, but I couldn't help but wonder if would be possible to die of a broken heart just the same.

And when he said monotonously, “This is the sort of treason I could execute my Inner Court for,” all I could think was that this was just one more level I was betraying him on.

 

Inner Court. I remember the day he made me Inner Court. He'd showed up on my doorstep, not all that unusual, even though we hadn't scheduled anything. But this time, he'd had a strange, sort of manic light in his eyes.

“I've done it,” he said simply. “I am King.”

I blinked. “King?” I repeated dumbly. “King of...what?”

“King of the Unseelie Court.”

I stared at him. “But, er – what happened to the Raven Prince?” The Raven Prince had been King for like, forever. At least for as long as I'd been alive, anyway. Pretty sure a guy like that doesn't just step down for a long holiday.

But Augus just ignored the question. “I am King,” he said again. “And I want you on my Inner Court, brother.”

“ _Me?_ ” On the one hand, this was the Court environment. I didn't know the first thing about the fancy nobles or politics, and besides, I'd been trying to get Augus _away_ from there. But on the other...

“Yes.” He grasped my arm, that light in his eyes never fading. “I _need_ you, brother.”

Augus _needed_ me. And I was damn well sure not gonna let him down this time. I was gonna be there for him, whatever it took. So of course I agreed.

I was a bit less enthused about his other choices of Inner Court. I mean, the Nain Rouge, she's alright and she's got lots of power and all, but I wasn't sure I really trusted her around my brother. And I didn't know why he picked Jenny Greenteeth or the Dullahan at all. But, I guess, it's not like I really know all that much about running a Court.

But I couldn't help but still be worried about him. When I first saw what he'd done to the Unseelie Palace, I didn't know what to say. It was dark, and twisted, and gave _me_ the heebie-jeebies. This felt so far from the Augus I knew.

I guess it was a sign of how little I knew him anymore.

 

But that was nothing to the horror I felt the day the Nightingale came back, and I realized that _he_ had been the one who had kidnapped Augus and tortured him.

I mean, I knew Augus didn't like him. He'd rather viciously demoted him and locked him away as soon as he'd become King, but...the guy had been trying to take over the world or something, and like I said, I didn't know much about fae politics. But that's a far cry from being your brother's _torturer_.

When he walked through the door, I didn't know who he was at first (though the shadowy creatures that Augus had asked me to hold seemed strangely stirred by his presence). I remembered that I had met him once before – he'd been at the Unseelie Court that first time when I'd asked the Raven Prince for help. He'd seemed nice. He'd told me that it would be okay, that Augus would surely come home soon, and to keep believing. He was one of the very few who had seemed to even care.

But taking over the world wasn't very nice, so maybe I wasn't the best judge of character there.

Why was he here now? In fact, how had he gotten out of his cave? He didn't look like any weak underfae either. He looked more like Court status at least.

Then Augus walked in behind him, and he had this vague, sort-of vacant look on his face. “As you can see,” he said, waving to the Court at large. “I've done it, just as I said I would.”

“My, so you have,” the Nightingale said.

...What the hell? _Augus_ had brought him here? But why would he change his mind like that? I watched him for a while, giving the Nightingale the grand tour.

“Uh, hey, Augus, can I talk to you for just a second?”

“Not now, Ash, I'm busy,” he said, without so much as a glance at me. Addressing the Nightingale again, he said, “Would you like to choose your rooms?”

“Oh, indeed, that would be delightful,” the Nightingale said, and the two of them waltzed off like best pals.

And I stood there gaping like an idiot, wondering what was going on.

I saw him later just outside the entrance to the throne room. He stood casually in the shadows, watching Augus with a faint smile.

“Uh, hi,” I said.

“Hello,” he greeted me politely. “You're Augus' dear brother, aren't you? He's mentioned you multiple times.”

“Yeah,” I said awkwardly. “He's not really mentioned you at all, though. Did you know him at Court?”

“Oh, no, I had met him before that. He and I got along quite well. In fact, I was just reminiscing about the times we spent together.” He paused for a moment. “He had the most beautiful screams.”

At first, I thought he was talking about sex. And that's usually a subject I avoid thinking about when it comes to Augus.

But then the Nightingale added, “And when he could scream no more, he would still try to beg and plead, with his voice rasping like gravel over stones. What a wonderful sound it was.”

And that's when it hit me like a brick wall.

_Oh. My. God._

I thought I was gonna be sick right then and there. He turned to me and smiled knowingly, red eyes glinting.

“You...you get away from him!” I launched myself at him, but he dissolved into thousands of birds, laughing.

I ran out to Augus. “Augus, we have to leave, we have to get away from here, the Nightingale is-”

He jerked away – or was he flinching away?

“Don't tell me what I must do. I have my own plans and I will not be deterred.”

“Augus, please, it isn't safe here...” I didn't know how to state my fears. Augus never spoke aloud of his disappearance, would change the subject if even referenced. Yet for some reason, he had brought the Nightingale here on his own. I had seen those nightmares, heard those cries. And I had seen the condition he was in when came back. Why had he brought the perpetrator of those horrible crimes here? And given him rooms to stay in? It had to be something that the Nightingale had done. “I...the Nightingale is up to something!”

“Brother. I thought you would be here to support me. Can you not even do that? Don't you trust me?”

No, I didn't. The Nightingale was clearly messing with his head. But how could I say that? And what could I do if he was? There had to be a way to get rid of him...right?

In the end, I capitulated. I couldn't get Augus to leave, and I couldn't leave without him, but at least I could stick close and make sure the Nightingale didn't dare lay a finger on him again. He'd have to go through me.

 

Except I was failing. Again. And worse, the Nightingale loved to rub it in my face that I was failing. He was _definitely_ not a nice guy, for all that he could be so well-spoken and polite. He seemed to exist just for the sheer purpose of tormenting me and Augus. I could never catch him in the act itself, but he would always find a way to drop hints about what he had done later. He'd just had a “private session” with Augus. He and Augus had just “spoken together” that morning. His eyes would gleam as I ground my teeth together.

I tried to follow Augus everywhere so that he wasn't alone, but Augus would eventually snap at me and send me away. When I refused, or lingered, then he would get vicious. If I tried to be logical and reason with him, and point out that the Nightingale _really wasn't all that great here_ , he'd brush it off and change the subject. WHY was he not helping me here? I know he couldn't _want_ to be tortured!

I felt angry enough to tear the waterweed from my hair. _Why_ could I never _do_ anything!

I could threaten and shout at the Nightingale all I liked, but I had no power behind my words. I even tried to use my compulsions once, first time I'd ever tried something like that, and he just brushed them off like drops of water. Physical violence wasn't an option. The Nightingale couldn't be trapped or locked out. Only Augus could make him leave, and Augus refused to, and I didn't know _why_.

Augus was becoming even more of a shell than before. The haunted, hollow look in his eyes became a permanent fixture, and I swear it was like the shadows of the Court were starting to cling to him, just like when I had found him by my lake. I don't know if anyone else could see, but for sure nobody else cared.

Then it got worse.

Augus began destroying waterlands. Lakes, rivers, waterways inexplicably dying after Augus visited them. The lands around them becoming completely barren, the fae living there forced out or killed. I could understand if these had been Seelie lands and Augus was trying to gain an advantage over them. But, no, these were Unseelie waterlands! Bringing it up to Augus only made him insist that he had his reasons and how dare I question him.

Unexpectedly, the Nightingale was defeated. Gwyn ap Nudd had managed to trap him in the underworlds. I was ecstatic. He would never be able to hurt Augus again! Augus was finally going to get better!

But instead, he became even more irrational. He isolated himself in the Court, he drove away Jenny Greenteeth and the Dullahan (not that they had ever been of any use, I thought bitterly), he blighted more waterlands. The noble families abandoned the Court completely, and underfae sought asylum from the Seelie.

I was the only one left, staying by his side because what else could I do?

Then Gulvi came to me, absolutely livid, because he'd just destroyed the Dubna waterways, and all her family were dead, and if I didn't stop him, she would find some way to assassinate him herself, sibling relationship be damned.

This was it. The end of the line. Augus wouldn't be helped, and I couldn't let him die.

So, when Gwyn ap Nudd came to me, asking if I would help him with his plan to stop Augus, I agreed. I let Augus be lured into an underground cavern, and I stood to the side when they trapped him in it, and I used the underworld creatures he'd entrusted me with to force him to give up his Kingship.

  


That moment when Augus looked in my eyes, and realized that I wasn't there to help him.

The only thing I'd _ever_ wanted to do...was _help_ him. And I hadn't even been able to do that.

Because he was destroying the world. And it was destroying him, too, even more than before. And it was destroying _me_ , to just stand by and watch. And the only way to stop it all – was to hurt him even more.

I'd tried so, _**so**_ hard. And the only thing I managed to do was become the final nail in my brother's coffin.

But at least he would be imprisoned in the Unseelie Court, and I'd be able to visit him and maybe he would finally begin the road to recovery...

But nope. Apparently Gwyn's plan did not include following our agreement, and he took the nearly lifeless body of my brother to the Seelie Court instead.

I screamed and I fought, but I had lost. “You must have seen this coming,” Gwyn said cruelly. I sank to the ground.

I hadn't. I hadn't seen any of it. If I had, would things have turned out differently? Would I have done the right things instead?

When Gwyn (the fucking Traitor) teleported away, I remained on the floor of the underground cavern, staring blankly ahead. Gulvi stayed by my side for a few moments, but I couldn't even look at her. Had she known that this was what Gwyn intended? She'd had it in for Augus ever since her family had died, but...I thought she'd been okay with him being a prisoner in _our_ Court. At least _she_ still had a sister left. He was my only brother. My only family.

Eventually, without saying anything, she left, and I was alone.

The tears fell unchecked down my cheeks. And this time, there would be no Augus with a blanket and tissues, patting my head and holding me close. No Augus to listen as I sobbed out the heartbreak of a dying dog or a rough meal. No Augus to joke with and make those exasperated faces as he tolerated my humor and tried to pretend he didn't find it even the slightest bit amusing. No Augus to wrinkle his nose in disdain as I extolled the virtues of KFC and pepperoni pizza.

I mean, that Augus hadn't been there for so long, but...

I guess I'd always sorta hoped that I get something of the old Augus back one day. But I hadn't really. Even in that short while that he seemed a little better before becoming King. He'd still been so different from the old Augus. So reserved and distant, both harder and more fragile. But now, instead of even that....this.

I'd lost Augus three times now. The first time, when the Nightingale took him. The second time, when the Court took him. And now, taken prisoner by the Seelie, and...dead...in all likelihood. This...was the time I wouldn't get _anything_ back.

And this time – it had been _my_ fault.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
